Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can be one of the most crippling aspects of ADHD.
Yet, so few have heard of RSD and if you have experienced it, it can be very hard to explain to others.
So, what is RSD? RSD is a triggered, emotional reaction to real or perceived negative judgments, exclusion, or criticism beyond what most people feel.
The key word here is PERCEIVED.
Before my ADHD diagnosis, RSD infiltrated and at times controlled my life and career.
Examples of triggers for me were:
❌in a team meeting and I would misread someone's tone. They didn't even have to be speaking to me but I automatically assumed they were upset with me. I would spend wasted hours trying to understand why. There is no reality behind this destructive assumption.
❌Or, I would automatically take constructive feedback as negative and become defensive, confusing the person passing on the feedback, and myself gaining a reputation for being overly sensitive and awkward.
Post-ADHD diagnosis, as I moved through the phase of reconciling with my 'What ifs...', this is the one thing I wish someone could have explained to me decades ago.
This article by Dr Donna Henderson is one of the clearest examples of RSD I have read.
Two key takeaways for me:
First, an RSD episode has two parts
1. The trigger
2. The reaction - a ruminating loop of self-doubt where there is a
"profound loneliness to this part of the experience" and you can feel completely alone. The person cannot participate in the world until the episode has run its course.
Second, flipping the negative narrative around RSD. And no one does it better than Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D.
Dr. Hallowell, a well-known ADHD expert, points out that people with RSD have strong responses to rejection but have equally strong responses to recognition and encouragement. He also notes that they are resilient (because they have to be).
ADHDers thrive on regular, authentic encouragement. You may not know if someone experiences RSD but it's very easy, for anyone, to provide regular, positive feedback.
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